Monday, April 17, 2006

New dreamscape -- positive change

If you've been reading my blog, you probably already know that I dream a lot, in great detail, and usually have disturbing dreams. Well, I hope you're sitting down when you read this, because, at least for one night, things have changed. Here goes...

I find myself "at home", with my friend Karen, who is asleep on the couch. I am watching a very scary, gory movie on TV, and am really scared, though I don't turn the TV off. I am interrupted by the sound of my baby sister coming home from a night out with some friends of whom I don't approve. These girls are "fast", glitzy, wearing provocative clothing and being very loud. I tell her she shouldn't hang around with those girls, they're not good people.

My mom and stepdad come home, and it's the next night. They are in another part of the house, when these friends of my sister's come in the front door without knocking, dressed in glittery clothes, technically beautiful on the outside. They are hollering for my sister to come join them and are being incredibly loud, rude, and vulgar, saying suggestive sexual things. My sister is on her way out to meet them, but I tell these girls that they need to clean up their mouths and show some respect in our home, that my mother is here and it's disrespectful to talk like that in someone else's home. These girls sneer and laugh, but I continue to advance toward them, letting them know that I mean to get them out of my house. I order them to leave and never come back, and kind of trap them in an alcove/entryway so that they have no choice but to back up out the door. I close the door behind them and tell my sister, who is behind me watching that she should never, ever associate with these people again -- they're nothing but trouble and they're using her.

Mom comes in the room, asking what all the ruckus was about, but I tell her don't worry, they're gone, just some people who were a little too full of themselves -- they won't bother us again. But just as I finish saying that, a car pulls up outside our door, honking, with bright lights, people hollering -- it's these girls with some very dangerous looking young men with them. Mom gets her key to lock the door, but her hand is shaking so she can't quite get the key in the lock. I brace myself against the door as she continues to try, and then try to guide her hand as I continue to brace the door. The girls and young men are trying to open the door -- having some success. I have to brace harder and harder. They sometimes get the door open and reach in for us, laughing, jeering, enjoying our distress. But we finally get the door locked. This really angers these people and they tell us they'll be back, we're not safe.

My stepfather is now with us, and we discuss what to do. Mom & SF talk in private, though I want to be in on the conversation. They then make some phone calls -- one of which is to a police officer of some kind that attends their church. The other is to my brother and also to members of my Mom's family. People start showing up. Knowing there are "reinforcements", I go to sleep. My brother sleeps in the car outside. My friend and I sleep on the couch somehow. My Mom & SF and other relatives/friends are out on the screened in porch on the front of the house. They seem to be taking things in stride, at least more than I am.

When I wake up in the morning, I hurriedly look out into the porch area, and I see that more relatives have joined us. They are laughing, playing cards, talking, etc. My brother is still asleep in the car, and we all laugh, but goodnaturedly, because we know he'll have a stiff neck when he wakes up. Someone else shows up with a guitar, and starts to play and sing. I join in in harmony with the singer, and we make quite beautiful music. Then, realizing it's snowed during the night, and that these "bad people" are not likely to do anything in broad daylight, several of us pile into the car to go for a ride in a field where we can drive fast, spin around, and not hurt anyone. I experienced this as both thrilling and fun, but a little scary.

When we return to the house, more people are there, showing their support. I come in the door, and see, coming through the back door, my cousins, and cousins' children, more aunts and uncles. I weep with joy, because I know that these people are there out of love, not just for my Mom or my sister, but for ME. They know how upset I've been and how hard I've tried to keep my sister and my household safe, and they're there to show me that I'm not alone.

When I woke up this morning, it was with much more peace than I had at bedtime last night. For the last little while, I've been listening to some relaxation/meditation CDs as I fall asleep. My favorite is by Louise Hay. One thing she says in this CD is that what you think about before you fall asleep is able to influence your dreams. Last night I thought about support from friends and family, about a wide net of people coming together out of love. I don't think this was literally my entire family, but I do think it was my immediate family, friends, and my church. I got so much good attention yesterday while at the church that I couldn't help but be grateful for that.

Though I was sad and depressed at bedtime, when I began listening to the CD, I tried to focus on what was being suggested, and for once that I can truly document, it worked. Now I need to see if Louise Hay has email, so I can thank her. :)


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